Reasons For Women Seeking Older Men: Benefits Of Romantic Relationships With An Age Gap

Most psychologists and relationship coaches claim that a relationship gap of up to eight years is OK and normal. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a younger woman dating an older man or a younger guy dating an older woman. However, some claim that even the age gap makes no difference if people like each other. After all, there are many examples of older men dating younger women and vice versa. But what is important, these people are extremely happy.

But why do younger women choose older men and vice versa? Another question is are these couples successful? Do these people care about age and specifically seek younger/older people? Or younger women and older men don’t care about their age. They just meet people they like and start dating? These and more questions are answered in this article. 

How Many Relationships Are With An Age Gap?

If you’re interested in younger women looking for older men, you may be curious how many relationships with the age gap are out there. The statistics claim that around 8% of all heterosexual couples (married) may be classified as having a big age gap. This study considers the age gap to be ten years and more.

The study also shows that most of these couples consist of younger women and older men. Only 1% of heterosexual age-gap couples involve consist of older women partnered with younger men. Interestingly, same-sex couples have a higher rate of age gaps. Male couples have about 25%, while female couples have around 15%.

The main reason why most people date partners of the same or similar age is because of mutual social circles. For instance, younger women and men go to college, work part-time jobs, and make friends within similar social circles. There aren’t so many options to meet older men and younger women if you don’t have the same social circle.

Typically, younger women and older men choose to hang out with people of the same age because of such similarities as: 

• hobbies;
• personality traits;
• interests;
• values;
• life goals;
• life stages;
• physical traits;
• other factors.

Online dating is changing this trend since people can access a greater pool of dating options. Today, younger women are often attracted to older men since they believe they are hot and sexy. They also see celebrities choosing younger women while them being older men look good and fit.

Why Do Young Women Seek Older Men?

Typically, young women seeking older men isn’t uncommon. There are quite a few reasons why younger women tend to seek older guys. Moreover, we see these examples in social media and even among celebrities. But why do women intentionally seek older guys? Is it because the so-called “daddy issues” or other reasons influence ladies’ decisions? Of course, there are other reasons. Let’s check them out:

• Women are typically more mature than men. When young guys struggle in life with decision-making, what career to pursue, or what they want from a romantic relationship, women already know the answer to those questions. So, younger women are often attracted to older men as they are similar in mental age.
• Older men know what they want. Thus, younger women are attracted to these men since they feel these guys won’t mess with them or their feelings. 
• Financial stability. It may be an evolutionary reason or a societal standard, but women generally want financially stable partners. Older men are more successful and can support their families and mutual children.
• A more mature life. The mature love here means both partners get together because of mutual respect, patience, care, trust, less jealousy, etc. When we are younger, we tend to be overly dramatic. A breakup is the end of the world, an argument with a loved one will end the relationship (false), and jealousy is through the roof! But “older” love is calmer yet not weaker. Older men may attract younger women since they know the guy won’t create problems out of thin air. Moreover, a younger woman is also less likely to flip out because of minor things since she feels the older man’s confidence. 
• More experience in all aspects of life. Younger women are often attracted to older men since they believe these guys are more patient, experienced, and know how to satisfy a woman. 
• Older men are very charismatic. Our society is odd since older men are considered attractive, like a good wine that ages perfectly. Older women, however, receive a different treatment, but that’s not the topic of this article. Nevertheless, women often consider older men more attractive. When comparing two photos of one male celebrity, they often choose the older version. They find these men more mature and interesting. 
• Emotional and mental security. Younger men are prone to emotional swings (not all of them, naturally). But subconsciously, a lady looks at an older guy as a source of calm confidence. 

Younger women love to feel secure. Moreover, they want to know what to expect from a man they are dating. Typically, men provide them with a sense of security, both mental and physical. Older guys know what they want and don’t mess with women’s feelings. 

Why Men Choose Younger Women?

Some people believe it’s bizarre when older men choose to date younger women. However, what’s so bizarre and odd when there is an age gap? Probably, nothing! Sometimes people can’t understand the age gap since people already have different views, values, and experiences. So, it’s weird when they start dating. But men have several reasons to choose younger women. Physical appearance and attraction are not the most impactful factors too!

They Remind Them Of Youth

Not everyone loves the idea or the reality of getting older, and gone are the days when they were young, full of energy, and extremely happy. Thus, many older guys prefer to date younger women as it helps them participate in more youthful activities and be a part of new trends. Overall, men feel much happier, satisfied, and younger at heart. After all, our bodies age, but not our spirits. 

They Make Them Feel Loved And Wanted

Women often choose older guys since they make them feel safer. Ladies love the feeling of security, maturity, and emotional stability. However, it goes both ways. Men feel flattered and satisfied since someone needs them. The guy can become a secure shoulder for his girlfriend or wife to lean in and feel safe. It’s nice when someone genuinely wants you and feels comfortable around you. 

Older Guys Like To Guide

When two people who love each other are of the same or similar age, they often don’t like to have someone who is always preaching or trying to say how things work. In such cases, people split up since they don’t like someone telling them what to do. But younger partners are OK when older guys do that. 

They want to learn and would not deny listening to practical lessons for life from someone with more experience. At the same time, older guys feel great and flattered about sharing their experiences and skills. Moreover, they are OK with guiding their younger partners and won’t get annoyed or angry because of some extra responsibility. It’s a win-win for both parties involved in a romantic relationship. 

Men Have An Easier Option To Cope With Mid-Life Crisis 

Men who reach 40 or 50 years (sometimes earlier in life) often go through what is called a midlife crisis. It’s a time when they seek ways to be young again. Not to say that men 50 years or over are old, but they feel like they are.

In such cases, men often feel better when dating someone younger. Dating someone significantly younger brings a feeling of satisfaction. They realize they still have charisma and look good enough to attract a younger lady. Naturally, the feeling boosts their confidence and their feeling of self-worth. 

Typically, such men went through a rough divorce and had trauma in life. So, they seek someone younger who will make them feel better. This experience shows them that romantic relationships can be enjoyable. It eliminates bad feelings about previous bitter experiences.

Younger Women Are Eager To Experiment

Most younger women wanting older men are often eager to experiment with different things, including sexual practices. So, older men looking forward to experimenting often seek younger women. It’s a fact that younger women are more lively, interested in trying different things, and carefree.

They Are Open-Minded

Older men who don’t want to commit often date younger women since they are OK with casual relationships. Older ladies want more stability and meet a partner for long-term relationships. 

Although, some ladies who were divorced, just like men, want to rebound and have fun without commitment too. However, most older men prefer dating younger women since they are likelier to want to have fun rather than receive an engagement ring. 

Men Love To Lead

Some men prefer the traditional leading role in a relationship. When dating a woman of the same or similar age, the lady might have her opinions and experiences, so she won’t be likely to follow the lead. So, older guys often prefer to share their life experiences with younger ladies.

Moreover, older men explain what they prefer in romantic relationships, so women aren’t confused by mixed signals often produced by younger guys who don’t yet know what they want in life and from their romantic relationships. Younger ladies admire this confidence in older guys as it brings in the sense of security and assurance. 

Men Like Control

When partners are of the same or similar age, one rarely controls the other or some aspects of their romantic life. But it’s different when a man is older. However, men typically like to be in control of different aspects of their lives, including romantic relationships. Thus, some older guys are interested in girls looking for older men. 

How To Meet Older Men And Younger Women?

As mentioned, men and women often date partners of the same or similar age due to mutual social circles. When all your friends are younger, most acquaintances are of the same sage. Unless a person is lucky to stumble upon someone by coincidence, they fall in love.

Luckily, the 21st century has some amazing advantages for daters: online dating apps. However, dating websites aren’t the only place to meet older men and younger women. Here are some potential options for both ladies and gentlemen:

• Speed dating. The method won’t help immediately, but it’s a good idea. You might meet a partner with similar interests, fall in love, and establish trustful romantic relationships. So, no harm in trying! 
• Marriage agencies. Yes, marriage agencies still exist. It’s critical to choose an experience marriage agency and not a scam. Men and women fill out their applications and include various things they like in the opposite sex. Then, a professional matchmaker enters the scene and finds compatible options. Successful older men often use this option to meet wives, so it’s a good idea for younger women to at least try the option.
• Dating websites. It’s the simplest and most successful option. Create an account, complete a profile, and start the search. There are many dating websites created specifically for older men dating younger women. Moreover, these sites are categorized based on the type of relationship. For instance, serious dating, casual encounters, flings, even affairs, and swinger parties!
• Visiting any dating events. For instance, various organizations often organize auctions to raise money for various important cases like donating to orphans, supporting other charities, etc. Often, these auctions mean that men and women perform as lots, where someone buys a date with them. It’s a win-win situation since the money goes to charity, and men and women can meet interesting people.

You may always ask friends, but it’s unlikely that they know someone younger or older. However, it’s still worth a shot. You can also travel and meet someone. 

The Success Rate Of Romantic Relationships Between Younger Girls And Older Men

A lot of people believe that age-gap couples perform poorly when it comes to romantic relationship outcomes. However, multiple studies have shown that the romantic relationship satisfaction claimed by age-gap couples is higher. These age-gap couples also report better trust and commitment. Moreover, they report lower jealousy as compared to the one reported by similar-age couples. 

The same study also shows that more than three-quarters of couples where younger women are partnered with older men are more satisfied in such romantic relationships. So, this could be a reason why younger ladies choose older men. Check out this interesting table showing the success rate of marriages depending on the age gap:

The study was conducted in 2012. However, the factor impacting the relationship outcome and satisfaction is acceptance or social disapproval. If an age-gap couple thinks their friends, relatives, family, and other people disapprove of their relationship, then their romantic relationship commitment decreases as well as the breakup risk. So, most of the time, when an age-gap couple fails, it is because of the outside factors, not the inside relationship problems.

Another important factor age-gap couples should consider is the challenges at every stage. For instance, a couple with a ten-year age gap (a 20-year-old woman and a 30-year-old man) have different struggles than a 50-year-old woman and a 60-year-old man. 

Our lives consist of different stages. We have different problems during these periods, and they affect our romantic relationships. When each member of the couple struggles with a different problem, it affects the way they communicate. It may be difficult for the age-gap couple to reconcile each other’s differing life problems, necessities, or goals.

Celebrity Couples With An Age Gap

Who, if not celebrities, can convince us that a healthy age gap between two partners is OK? So, let’s check some of these happy couples:

• Nikki Reed and Ian Somerhalder. The couple has an almost ten years age gap, and Ian is older in this relationship. The couple has been dating since 2015 and now has a daughter.
• Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra. This time it’s a case when a woman is ten years older than her partner. They are happy together and got married in 2022.
• Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds. It seems that Ryan is of the same age as Blake, but it turns out he’s 11 years older! The couple is clearly extremely happy and keeps entertaining the entire world with their jokes about each other on social media.
• Michael Fassbender and Alicia Vikander. Michael is 11 years older than his wife. They have been married since 2017 and are very happy together.
• Jay-Z and Beyoncé. It’s probably one of the most famous couples out there and considered by some a power couple. Jay-Z is 12 years older than Beyoncé. Even though they went through some struggles in their relationship, it’s clear that they overcame everything together.
• William H. Macy and Felicity Huffman. This time it’s an older couple since Felicity is over fifty and her husband is over sixty. William is 12 years older than his partner.
• Viola Davis and Julius Tennon. Another very successful couple that has been married since 2003. Julius is 12 years older, and he and his wife today are over sixty and fifty years, respectively. They have been raising an adopted daughter since 2011. Both have kids from their previous relationships.

If you analyze these couples, most of them started dating when reaching or over 25 years old. So, it seems even though a woman is younger, she should be around 25 years for the couple to be successful. That way, a romantic relationship is more balanced since the woman has some experience as well. 

Why Don’t Some People Care About The Age Gap?

The younger woman seeks older man trend can be explained easily – it may be evolution. The evolutionary perspective explains that older men’s preferences (and any men’s) for younger women and women’s preferences for older men are rooted in reproductive fitness. 

However, it’s not all that common today unless the older man wants to marry a younger woman and have children with her. Not to say that older women can’t get pregnant with modern medicine, but apparently, it’s an intuitive and the simplest approach.

One of the reasons why some people don’t care about the age of their partner is as long as they get what they like. For example, older men are attracted to younger women since they are attractive, radiate a sense of energy, etc. Moreover, older men often “feel” younger when dating younger women.

Younger women love that older men are already established and successful. They also prefer reliable and mature partners. Men typically age differently than women (visually), and they stay attractive for a rather long time. So, the appearance of older men can attract younger women.

Check this interesting statistic of different couples with an age gap:

As you see, there are many couples with an age gap. The interesting thing is that same-sex couples care less about the age of their partner. But now, let’s return to the topic of heterosexual couples and why they don’t care about their age. 

It’s a fact that women put more importance on the partner’s status and resources because of such practical reasons as the ability to take care of the kid financially. Younger women, and women overall, prefer older men since they can support the child; it’s almost like a survival mechanism. Moreover, it seems that older men are mature enough to want to participate in raising a child. They also have more time due to having an established career.

We tend to become more successful financially later in life; thus, while working on a career, a man ages. So, younger women may subconsciously (or entirely consciously) want to date older men since they can invest emotionally in their relationships and support the family. 

At the same time, men aren’t as interested in resourcefulness, and they tend to prefer attractiveness and vitality. From the evolutionary point of view, youth indicates fertility. Older men may choose younger women subconsciously. To support the claim, most studies show that since men can’t bear children, they want to date younger women increasing the chances of having a relationship with someone who can give birth to children.

However, in modern society, young or middle age women (who are still younger than older men) work in higher positions. So, the evolutionary theory doesn’t explain why they still choose someone older. Moreover, same-sex couples choose partners differently. So, why people don’t care about age when dating?

Mainly because younger women like older men with life experience. Older men choose younger women based on attractiveness. In some cases, people have similar interests and values, so they are comfortable together.

Lera Loeb Expert Editor

Lera Loeb is a former mail order bride who knows all too well about the detail of dating and marriage with foreigners. She's now an internationally renowned dating expert and has helped thousands of women find Mr. Right.

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